March 23, 2001
I really hate working. Don't get me wrong... I like my job, even though I feel somewhat overwhelmed by the sheer volume of services I must support. In the past, I specialized, becoming an expert (or at least a competent support rep) in one application or service. If you needed a Cisco router reprogrammed, I was your man. If Duke Nukem wasn't shooting fast enough, you called me (and I told you that you were screwed, but that's another story). My focus was narrow, but deep. Now, it's broad and shallow -- a little knowledge about a LOT of products and services. How do I make a pie chart? Why isn't my printer printing? Is the mainframe down? Why won't my monitor turn on? How do I get e-mail? Why does the financial frame display the right information? How do I integrate data ranges into the merge codes (I still haven't figured that one out)? Where is the "any" key? What's my password? You get the idea. It's a challenge and I enjoy it, but the necessity of working for a living continues to vex me. And also, I sometimes feel terribly inadequate given that I'm surrounded by a bunch of highly capable and professional people, who all seem to know more than I do. Of course, they've been here longer so I guess it's okay.

Right now, I'm full of ideas. I want to work on my Alex novel. I want to work on "Lord of the Peaks." I want to redo the Alex site without frames and see what it looks like. I want to paint some miniatures for the Thystra D&D game I'm running with Dale, Leann, Brian, Vic, Rachel and Devin (not my daughter Devon; thank god they're spelled differently) tomorrow night (I'm hoping that the characters will kick down the right door and catch the two dark elf babes en flagrante). I want to take Devon to a movie. I want to fix Devon's bike (as I promised to do a month ago). I want to go hang out with Rie (who's in Florida, unfortunately), or Darklady or Amianne or Andrea or Constance or Enrika or any number of interesting women of my acquaintance. I want to go game with Scott or Mark or Bob or Hugh, or my long-neglected friends from Oregon City, whom I used to spend every weekend with. I want to develop a couple of other roleplaying campaign ideas (a D&D world where magic-users are replaced by psionicists; a weird west scenario in which characters deal with a town threatened by Chtuloid creatures and the 1880s versions of the Men in Black; a roleplaying setting based on the Alex stories, etc.). And so on.

Unfortunatly, I'm at work, helping a finance department supervisor get her new temp logged onto the network. You see, I thought she wanted full domain access, when she only needs access to one specific server, and that's a NETWARE login, whereas domain access is an NT login, and I was confused and looked like a total dolt. Fortunately, the other people in the department were a little confused, too (it was a somewhat unusual request), and we finally got her taken care of. We stumble occasionally, but we almost always get across the finish line. Like most people, I suppose.

So all those cool things will have to wait. They'll have to be crammed into the 3-4 hours that I have to myself in the evening (often when I'm tired, or am seeing Dale or Rie, or just want to sit and play computer games to unwind), or on the weekends (when I need to do laundry or mow the lawn or do dishes, etc.). Who's got the time? I had been habitually staying up until 12-1am the last few weeks, and it was affecting my work and my general demeanor -- I would get home and instantly fall asleep for an hour, which I suppose kept everything balanced, but it also kept me tired and cranky all day.

There aren't enough hours in a day, I'm afraid, and if I'm going to do the things I want to do I guess I need to manage my time better. Well, I'm sure it will all work out; at least I'm being troubled by more mundane concerns than I was a year ago, so that's an improvement anyway. Now if I can just get a "full" girlfriend instead of a "semi-" I'll be happy.

Another thing taking up my time is still MORE work for White Wolf/Sword and Sorcery Studios. What with the completion of the Creature Collection 2 development, the Wiecks have asked me to do development on the Mithril: City of the Golem book, for which loyal readers will recall I was one of three authors. The development guy has to take the work of several separate authors -- who worked largely independently of each other -- and whip them into a single, consistent volume. I've got until April 25, which I think I can do. The good news is that the other authors produced excellent material. One wrote too much (I'll have to cut, which is a pity), and the other still has some material in the pipeline, so I'll have to do some balancing and reorganizing. I'll be redoing my own material, too, which I think is great, since I thought it had some weak points that needed mending. Certainly (for example) my "Adventures" section is going to fall by the wayside; compared to the other authors' material, my adventures just plain suck (I was, after all, author of "Patriots of Ulek," which one reviewer said was one of the worst D&D modules ever, despite the fact that I was "a fairly talented writer" :P ). I always thought that I was a pretty decent editor, and this is my chance to prove it. More money, too. I think I should be able to do the development work AND work on the Alex site, which is my next big project.

And hopefully my computer upgrade won't interfere. Yes, I finally ordered a new processor and motherboard. I hope that in a week or two I should be barelling along at 900MHz, and another week or so after that, looking at the world through the good offices of a new Radeon graphics card. I haven't upgraded anything on my machine for three years, so I think it's about time, and my total investment will only be about $350, so I think that's a bargain. The problem is that upgrading the motherboard on a working system is a pain in the ass, since all the devices' addresses change, and if you don't prepare sufficiently, you'll be weeding out device conflicts for weeks. My choices are to either a) backup data and flatline my C drive or b) delete the ENUM key from my registry and trust to fate. If I do "a" I will probably have to reinstall every piece of software on my computer, since all the pointers, .dlls and registry entries will be gone. On theother hand, upgrading the MB will be a snap. If I do "b", then the system will have to redetect and reinstall every single solitary device and hardware component from my PCI bus to my webcam, and there's no guarantee that that will go smoothly (it will also take a long time). On the other hand, my data and programs will be intact, and I won't need to reinstall any software. Any hardware gurus out there have any thoughts on the better approach?

Well, it was my intention to go up to Seattle on the 31st along with Rie, but it turns out that Magen and Tia (two folk we were planning on visiting) will be down HERE in Portland that weekend (how's that for irony?), so I think I'm going to postpone the trip and maybe throw an impromptu party that weekend. If all goes well (and my comp is still healthy after the upgrade), I might set up the webcam in the living room and let folks watch the festivities (such as they are). I'll let you all know what's up.

I sent out a message about my first non-annual Wulf Chat Night; I'm planning on doing MIRC and running the webcam -- possibly getting some nice shots of Rie to relieve you from having to look at my ugly mug all night -- and chatting long into the night. The drawback is that I'm starting on Friday, March 30 at 8pm pst, which translates to early morning (5-7am) for western Europe, so some of you probably won't have any interest in crawling out of bed so early, and I don't blame you. What I think I'll do is have another chat session in a couple of weeks on a Saturday morning, which is early evening in Europe. We'll see if Rie wants to participate in that, too, but I guarantee nothing (she considers getting out of bed at any time before noon to be "early in the morning"). If you didn't get the mailing and need more information (server, software, etc.), please feel free to write to me. I'll also have to do an announcement on the main page as well.

As I noted above, I'm running a Thystra D&D3E session tomorrow... The adventurers include Tai Wen (Dale) the Kaitian sorcerer (who keeps getting into hand-to-hand combat for some reason, and shouts things like "HEAVEN AND EARTH ARE ONE!" when he casts spells, just like in "Chinese Ghost Story"), his cousin Shen Tai (Devin) the Kaitian paladin (they rescued a Kaitian noblewoman from a necromancer, and she's torching for him bigtime, but he claims to have only protective and noble concern for her... yeah, right); Whitefoot (Rachel) the Minotaur druid (what a combination; a surprisingly effective character, actually), Kushan (Leann) the Tandu wizard (who keeps rolling crummy on initiative, but has potential to be a really cool character), Taan (Brian) the Winged One (who was unfortunately emasculated by the bad guys and couldn't perform his "healing" duties, making him bitter and cynical, until he was "restored" by an ancient and very confused dragon, and now has a new lease on life), Kreesa (Vic) the Ratling rogue (who proved himself to be a deadly sniper and suprisingly heroic by picking off dark elves with his crossbow and blasting the wicked sorceress with the Ring of Shooting Stars that he was "saving for a special occasion" -- I imagine him as the sniper guy from "Saving Private Ryan" -- "Lord guide my hand and let me blow the enemy's friggin head from his friggin Nazi shoulders"), and Tree (Rie) the innocent Wolfen fighter (who made his way through the swamp on his own, finding love with a cute Necrotian ranger and finally got to the party's ship as it was about to sail). Tree, as well as the Kaitian noblewoman Ming Vinh, the Kaitian bard Huang (Shen Tai's retainer), and various crewmen will be run as NPCs as Rie is off in Florida with her "main" bf enjoying the fleshpots and decadent amusements of Walt Disney World.

So far, they've defeated an evil necromancer named Xaar, fought a strike force of dark elves sent to capture the sacred temple that the necromancer had occupied, and befriended a very old, very tired, somewhat confused dragon who had been awakened by Thae'lynn's sorceries (he's slept for a millennium or so), and who bade the party go find the Dragon's Eye before the elves, dark elves or undead could get to it, and thus take control of the remaining dragons (sound familiar? I'm freely adapting "Dragon's Eye" and "Jungle Goddess" for this adventure). On the voyage south, the party will be pursued by one Saath N'Quy (cousin of Thae'lynn, with a REALLY cool sword), discover a traitor in their midst and witness the destruction of the Xeshite fleet by Thae'lynn's possessed dragons, and hopefully some atrocities committed by the elves. The quest for the Dragon's Eye is going to be a traditional dungeon crawl, but with the forces of Saath N'Quy, Faenor's elves and Breann and his undead complicating matters. I'm hoping the campaign will last well into the summer and end with the party helping to drive the elves and undead out of Xesh. I'll probably add info on the party and their exploits to the Extras section in my copious spare time (see above).

Well, at least I had enough slack time to write this up; hopefully it will convince you that I'm still relatively alive. Those who can, please try to join us for chat next Friday -- I'll happily help out anyone who needs assistance getting on line.

In the meantime, stay cool. And keep those cards and letters coming :)

Beyond that, things have been pretty good for me. There were a few personal issues that I really don't feel comfortable discussing here as they involved other people and some rather intimate feelings. They had me kind of depressed and unhappy for a while (though in typical fashion they didn't slow down the CC2 project; deadlines take priority over even the darkest of personal tragedies for me, I'm afraid), but hopefully they're resolved and we can move on. *sigh* Nothing is ever as simple as we want it to be, is it?

I had my parent-teacher conference at Dev's school yesterday; I was assured that she is very skilled at math (when she actually bothers to do her work, of course), and that she approaches genius level in the area of writing (needless to say that makes me happy). I was concerned about her interaction with the other kids and her friends, whom she is constantly fighting/making up with, and experiences dark, horrific depressions, thinking that no one likes her anymore, when in reality she spends most of her time playing with her friends, etc. Her teacher assured me that she is right on schedule, and that almost all kids experience what she's going through (I remember experiencing it, but in my case it lasted into adulthood and beyond... ;) ). I think that helped her, too, and I'm making sure that she gets a chance to talk to other people like Rie who experienced similar problems when they were young. All in all, it was an outstanding conference.

Oh, yes, and we had a little disturbance up here in the form of a 7.0 (or so) earthquake up in Seattle. It was the "rolling" kind that does less damage, and we only got a small piece of it. Fortunately, the powers that be have insisted on strict standards for new construction, and something that might have been a disaster elsewhere was more of a minor annoyance. I was on my way out to Ball Elementary School (heh-heh... heh-heh... "Ball"... heh-heh) when the quake struck, but I was in my car and didn't notice. When I arrived at the school, the place was totally deserted, making me wonder if I'd wandered into an old "Omega Man" set. I poked around for a while and found the kids and teachers outside, looking bored, then waited for the bell and went in to do my job. Yeah, it wasn't exactly as exciting as a 70s disaster flick, but at least no one was hurt.

So there will be more to come; keep an eye out this week for the final DV installment. And don't worry, to paraphrase what they say at the end of the James Bond movies, Wulf will return in "Lord of the Peaks," though anyone who asks me "when?" will get the world's most ambiguous reply.

I completely forgot to mention that, in addition to going undercover with the goths and making nice with old friends, we went to see Hannibal, which I found entertaining, but markedly inferior to its successor. Silence of the Lambs was effective due to good storytelling and character development. The relationship between Lecter and Starling was unbelievable, a twisted father-daughter relationship in which the isolated FBI agent took on a vicious serial killer as a surrogate parent. Hannibal subsitutes gore for suspense, and relies on bloody violence to shock, rather than suspense and deliberate storytelling. Clarice is a fairly marginal character -- Lecter is at the center, and the fact that he is actually the hero of the piece really contributed to my discomfort. And there was a lot of that -- I have a really high threshhold for gore content (I think Peter Jackson's Dead Aliveis one of the greatest horror/comedies ever, and I love the Evil Dead series, for example), but some sections of this film, particularly the climax, really made me squeamish. Not that that was necessarily bad -- I salute anyone who can gross me out and still make a decent film. I think this one was good, though not great, and it had an undercurrent of nastiness and sadism that was absent in previous Harris movies. By the way, if you ever get the chance, check out Manhunter, the film adaptation of Thomas Harris Red Dragon, the first book to feature Hannibal Lecter.

Anyway, that should do it. Just a supplement to the last entry. Bon apetit.

I received a couple of tapes from Ken Chisholm, the first being a copy of the animated film of Richard Adams The Plague Dogs, possibly the saddest and most depressing cartoon ever conceived. The second, which I haven't yet watched due to time constraints is the latest in the animated Redwall series from Nelvana Studios. If it's like the previous one, it's sure to be a good piece of work. I want to watch it on a weekend when Dev's home, but she's spent several weekends with her mom lately. Once we watch, I'll write another review. My opinion section is damned minimal lately, innit?

This past weekend was an adventure, involving a trip to Seattle, fun with goths, and hanging out with some old friends. I took along a friend's digicam hoping to capture every minute of the festivities, but most of my pix didn't come out well, as (like so many things goth) most of the action took place in the dark. I'm going to try to run these pix in line and not bother with thumbnails. If they kill anyone's browser, please let me know and I'll fix it.

[I appear to have lost the said photos, unfortunately]

So the ball was a pleasant affair with lots of overdressed goths, fancy dinner and dancing to various soft-goth or goth-friendly bands like the Smiths and Iris. And, in the northwest anyway, no such evening is complete without at least one playing of Dead Man's Party by Oingo Boingo. The thing wound down by midnight-1am, and Diana suggested we go to a local club called the Mercury, which is one of those atmosphere-rich places accessible by walking along a dark alley and down a crumbling concrete driveway (hell on women in heels, apparently), through a side door, past ugly bouncers and into a crowded, dark chamber packed with goths and industrial rockers. The DJ was located in a bunker made of cinderblock and topped with razorwire -- I didn't quite know why, cuz she was cool and played decent music. I don't THINK the patrons would ever want to storm the DJ booth, but then I guess you can never be too safe. She played NIN and Ramstein, and a bunch of bands I'd never heard of, including one called the Horrorist that did a creepy tune called One Night in New York, as well as a bunch of other stuff I can't remember. We spent time dancing, and ogling all the attractive or bizarre denizens... I was grateful to be with women who pointed out other cute females to me :)

The main drawback of the evening was that the Mercury makes drinks very strong, and Scott bought me a couple rounds of screwdrivers, bless his heart. By the time we got out of the heat of the club and into the cold air outside I realized that I was somewhat faced, and totally incapable of driving back to Magen's. Once more Scott saved the day and drove us home, and the next day we drove back out and found my car.

When we crashed at Magen's, she told me that they didn't have a couch or anything made up and that I could sleep with her -- quite platonically, of course, since I was totally exhausted and I doubt anything else would have been suitable, appropriate or feasible... But all the same I have missed sleeping beside another human being (I've had a couple of opportunities over the past year or so, but not as many as I'd like) and I really enjoyed it. Had anyone told me a year ago that this Valentine's I'd be sleeping with Magen, well, I'd probably have laughed at them, but there it is. I didn't view it in a sexual context at all, just as the notion of sharing space and warmth with an old friend. Beside, I think she just did it to avoid making me sleep on the floor :) Anyway, thanks Magen.

I stayed until late on Sunday and had dinner, then drove back to Portland about 11pm, making 85-95mph all the way and getting home a little after 1am. That's a record for me, though a friend of mine claims to have driven the entire 160 miles at 120mph. I got into bed feeling really horrible and woke up with a sore throat and a headache... I'd contracted the flu but it had held off all weekend. Thank providence for small favors.

I guess it was all kind of an evolutionary experience, convincing me that maybe my life has come around again, and that I can have friends and feel like my company is wanted and appreciated. I know that those are pretty basic needs, but I haven't felt them in a long time. There's more to come, I'm sure, and I've got quite a lot of writing to do over the next few days. I'm confident, though. It will get done.

The Relics and Rituals book has been released to great reviews, btw. I'm proud to be associated with such a well-received book; sometimes I wonder if it's better to be a collaborator rather than a sole author, since my solo projects usually got savaged by the critics. Well, Mithril is due out next summer, so we'll see if I can keep the string up.

Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm signing off to go work on Mithril, but don't fear, Wulf won't be far behind. Love to all.

I spent the weekend with Rie at the coast, doing passionate things like walking on the beach, going to the Newport Aquarium, and some one-on-one D&D (her wolfen character, Tree, is busy making his way out of the swamps of Necrotia to meet his friends in Shark Harbor, so they can all sail to Xesh on a quest set them by an ancient, ancient dragon who thinks he's lost part of his soul or something... Very cool stuff; oh, yeah -- on the way Tree had a couple of nights of passion with a beautiful Xeshite ranger... Typical...). We had some marvelous conversations -- my dear Rie is now, in her own words, my "semi-girlfriend," which ain't too bad for six months' work, though certain other individuals have managed to reach full boyfriend status in one-tenth the time... but I'm not complaining. I think this is just what my life needs right now, and I'm happy with it. When I finish Twilight, I'll have my chat night, and maybe Rie will sit in and we can fool with the camera. It might be fun.

There's more... A lot more, in fact, but it's kind of late and I'm just doing this to assure you that I'm not dead... I think I'll have Twilight done soon, so no worries. Time is with us, and when I made a wish this weekend I did see a bona fide shooting star right after I made it, so I think it was real for once. I'll write more in a couple of days, but in the meantime, as always, peace and love to all :)

I was up until about 3am doing the New Year thing. Those of you who managed to tune into Darklady's webcam got an exceptionally fuzzy image (SOMEONE buy that woman a new webcam, PLEASE) and a couple of shots of me flashing a peace sign. Oh, yeah... If you were lucky you got some nice images of Rie writhing naked on the floor amid a pile of dollar bills. That was my favorite part, anyway.

I started off by going by my friends Dove and John's house, only to find that they were having a dinner party. I excused myself, but then Dove informed me that she'd invited me to the party but I'd never responded. Well, they set me up at the kiddie table (aka the TV tray) and we had a pleasant time of it. Dinner was excellent green beans (which I normally hate, but that's probably because they're always badly overcooked), prime rib (which, I'm told, is properly called a "standing ribroast") and Yorkshire pudding. A nice, light meal that, eh? Well, the sheer mass of prime rib kept me from drinking all night for fear that my meal might not like its neighbors and want out again. Yes, I was stone cold sober for New Year's, 2000. Will wonders never cease?

I then ventured to Darklady's domicile for her usual wild-ass party, and it didn't disappoint, with the usual selection of old friends, unfamiliar freaks, people in vinyl and rubber, nudity and (upstairs anyway) sex. Once more, I opted out on the orgy, but then I wasn't entirely in the mood anyway. I met Rie there, as well as her boyfriend (yes, she has one -- you didn't think I'd ever be involved in anything conventional or normal again, did you?), Rie did her Dance of Seduction and got lots of money for her "new boots" fund (her old bitch-boots are falling apart and, I believe, have a couple of repairs made with electrical tape), we had a fire juggler, various impromptu pieces of s/m performance art, and a big black monolith with screeching, bone-throwing ape men (male party guests, but you'd never tell the difference) to commemorate the coming of 2001. Oh, yeah, fireworks and blowing-up things, too.

All in all, not half bad. I got a few kisses in at midnight (yes, including Rie), a bunch of hugs (one from the most striking woman who in platforms and spikes was even taller than me; she'd been wearing a rubber skirt most of the evening, and had removed it around midnight, revealing some absolutely stunning legs and aft section; I'm going to her houswarming next weekend), and hopefully managed to cement one of the reconciliations that I started at Orycon.

I also hung out with my old friends Richard and Randy, both comic book folk (writer and artist respectively) and laid some possible plans for a trip to San Diego Comicon in July. Richard might be able to swing guest status for me, and Randy is interested in meeting folks and making contacts with people. Our mutual idol, Kevin Smith, should be there this year, and I would be majorly pumped to meet the guy. I'm still not sure if I want to tell him about Jae and Violent Bahb, though... ;)

After Darklady's, Rie and Mike (the aforementioned bf) drove out to another party at the household of some of her friends, and I followed. The party had pretty much wound down by the time I got there, but that was okay, since it was getting late, and I was able to put in an appearance and say hi to some folks. We hung out for a while, then said goodnights and I staggered home, glad that I hadn't drunk and looking forward to at least a few hours' sleep.

So I'm here for my last week, working on New Year's Day due to Stream's generous holiday pay policy, since I'm gonna need every cent I can lay my mitts on for the month of January (the school district pays once a month). I am leaving in good standing, so I can always come back here should I desperately need work, but in my heart and soul I hope I won't have to. This is the second time I've quit Stream International, and I hope it will be the LAST!

I got some good stuff on National Public Radio as I was driving to work and shoving a Burger King breakfast biscuit into my face. I should say happy independence day to the nation of Australia and all those living there today, as this is their Centennial -- I know I've got readers out there, and I want to pass on my best wishes and hopes that you'll still be there a hundred years hence. I celebrated a couple of nights ago by having dinner at the Outback Steak House, which for my Australian friends is a horrible American theme restaurant with tacky Aussie decor and Aussie-named entrees (the "Mad Max Burger" and "Ayer's Rock Salad" for example) and ghastly Australia-speak stuff on the menu ("Try it, mate! It's fair dinkum!"). The portions are huge and the staff is attentive, however, so I actually like the damned place. What they need, though, is real live dingoes running around snatching up unattended children, to give it a REALLY authentic feel...

Well, my New Year's resolution is to live a more objective and self-aware life, since Plato said that a life without self-examination isn't worth living, and in the knowledge that in the words of the Buddha (as I also heard on NPR this morning), "A carpenter crafts wood; a wise man crafts himself." You may see some of the last year's perspective in Wulf's current introspection, and future tales may help me work out some of my current dilemmas (Wulf and Tanu having to share Li, for example, but we'll go into that one later)... Overall, however, I'm truly sticking with my theory that last year was Year Zero, and now that we're at Year One, things can really start going the way they should go. I've made a good start so far, and I hope the rest of you will, too. Happy New Year, and love to all.