The Twink Code, version 1.12
Some people out here aren't satisfied with BearCode or SmurfCode. It
doesn't speak to us. We're twinks, and damn proud of it. While bears live
for hair and smurfs for humor, a twink lives for style. As such, style
factors are the major way of recognizing a twink. Unlike bears and smurfs,
a twink's style can't be rated by degree--to be a twink, one must have a
good sense of style. The ideal twink knows what he can't wear, and how to
wear what he can. The clothes make the twink.
Clothing is not exclusively the determining factor in a twink, though. The
twink's crowning glory is his hair. Long or short, straight or wavy, it
must be perfect. Hell is a lifetime of bad hair.
The main Twink identifier is a 4 part code comprised of:
- T - Type of twink
- C - Color of Hair
- L - Length of Hair
- and whether it's (s)traight, (w)avy, or (c)urly
T - Type of twink
- 1 - BeachTwink:
- The beach twink is often a sun-
bleached blonde, well tanned, and well defined.
Sub-genres of beach twink are the VBall Twink and
SurferTwink.
- 2 - NuevoWest Twink:
- The old west was never quite
like this. Colorful, sharp, and not nearly
weathered enough, if cowboys were fashion slaves,
they'd look like this.
- 3 - Rap Twink:
- Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch have
nothing on this twink. Urban fashion is raised to
an art form by this delicious one.
- 4 - The All-American Twink:
- Remember that quarterback
you could never have in high school? This *is*
him. Athletic, active, it's amazing how his hair
stays in place.
- 5 - EuroTwink:
- Think of Armani suits. Think of
Italian convertibles. The finest European
designers would love to have him on the runway.
- 6 - The Twink Next Door:
- The boy next door never
looked this good (well, mine never did). A
suburban sensibility becomes a showcase for a
gorgeous young guy.
- 7 - RadicalTwink:
- This twink marches to the beat of a
different drummer. He may be wearing full
renaissance garb (Felix, where are you?). He may
be more subtle than that. But there's definitely
something strange there...
- 8 - GymTwink:
- The GymTwink may attempt any of the
above styles (and pull them off successfully) but
it's always that drop-dead-gorgeous bod that's
overshadowing everything else. Even in sack cloth
(we're talking *really* radical 7 here) he'd look
incredible. GymTwinks should include what style
they're attempting in their code (i.e. T8(5))
- 9 - AppalachianTwink:
- Jethro Bodine (of "Beverly
Hilbillies" fame) was no Twink, but his style
translates well. Overalls, with or without shoes
and shirt (I like w/o shirt myself) are often
characteristic.
- 10 - GrungeTwink:
- "Kurt Cobain, is that you?" The
ratty jeans are from Perry Ellis, the shirt is
from Versace. It's amazing how stylish anti-
style can be.
Twinks come in all hair colors, natural and unnatural.
C - Color of Hair
- 0 - black (raven)
- 1 - dark brown
- 2 - brown
- 3 - light brown
- 4 - auburn
- 5 - dark red
- 6 - bright red
- 7 - strawberry blonde
- 8 - Blonde. Most of the hair on his body is blonde.
- 9 - Totally Blonde. Every strand of hair on his body
(by definition must be natural).
- X - Other (purple, blue, etc...)
If hair color is assisted, it should list the original color in parentheses
(i.e. CX(7)).
Hair length is important too. Some of us like long hair, some of us like
short hair, some of us like any hair at all as long as it looks good.
L - Length of Hair
- 0 - Shaved/bald
- 1 - verrrrry short, buzzed
- 2 - short enough for a banker, suitable for business
- 3 - medium length, barely over collar
- 4 - shoulder length
- 5 - part-way down the back
- 6 - really long, like down to his butt
The last modifier is waviness of hair, and is designated by letter.
- (s)traight
- (w)avy
- (c)urly
If curlyness is assisted, it should list the original state in parentheses
(i.e. c(s)).
Having covered the major points of description, it's time to get down to the
sordid details. How sordid? You be the judge...
h - the 'hairlessness' factor (opposite of NBCS "f") refers
to body hair.
- h++
- SMOOTH body - virtually no hair
- h+
- little hair
- h
- some hair
- (none)
- average body hair
- h-
- above average body hair
- h--
- veritable furball (almost a bear)
- (h) can be further refined to cover specific body areas:
- hc - chest
- hb - butt
- hl - legs
- hs - shins (part of leg below knee)
These can be used specifically, or to identify an area which
differs from the rest of the body. Therefore, if you're
smooth, except for your legs, you could list h++(hl-). If
your hairlesness is a result of shaving or depilatories, you
should list the original state in parentheses, i.e. h(--)++.
d - Dizzy factor. How much of an airhead is he?
- d++
- Head in the clouds (or at least somebody's shorts)
- d+
- present mentally only on special occasions
- d
- not totally dizzy, but noticeably so
- (none)
- sometimes dizzy, about average
- d-
- rarely dizzy
- d--
- never dizzy, even shows common sense sometimes
a - attitude
- a++
- attitude from hell; has enough for 20
- a+
- above average
- a
- has attitude and knows how to use it
- (none)
- attitude at times
- a-
- mostly unpretentious
- a--
- no attitude, what you see is what you get.
w - the WHINE factor
- w++
- Will scream "I'm BOOOORRRRRRED" while you're
still home and just getting dressed
- w+
- will state "I'm boooorrrrrred" immediately upon
arrival at destination
- w
- Will whine, even when not needed
- (none)
- Lets his displeasure be known when appropriate
- w-
- Usually silent, but a peep may be heard every
now and then
- w--
- Strong, silent type
c - color of crust (tan)
- c++
- dark brown
- c+
- a nice golden brown
- c
- the twink has a tan
- (none)
- doesn't get out much
- c-
- fair skin
- c--
- looks like a ghost
y - youthful appearance
- y++
- looks like teen spirit
- y+
- still gets carded most every time he buys liquor
- y
- twentysomething
- (none)
- looks like he has been out of college for a while
- y-
- looks like somebody's dad
- y--
- looks like somebody's grandfather
e - endowment (for the size queens amongst us)
- e++
- 8"+
- e+
- 6.5" - 8"
- e
- 5.5" - 6.5"
- (none)
- neutral
- e-
- do you really want to let people know?
- e--
- you may not have much but you have guts
g - gonads (balls)
- g++
- huge and bursting with cream
- g+
- large and cream filled
- g
- above average
- (none)
- has two
- g-
- do you really want to let people know?
- g--
- you may not have much but you have guts
f - flavor of cream
- f++
- very sweet, almost sickly, could be interchanged
with filling of actual Hostess Twinkie (tm)
- f+
- sweet
- f
- pleasant
- (none)
- unremarkable
- f-
- slightly bitter
- f--
- Campari is sweeter
t - twink hawk
- t++
- searches out twinks when ever possible.
- t+
- really likes twinkies
- t
- would like to meet a twinkie
- (none)
- not a twink hawk
- t-
- doesn't care for twinkies
- t--
- is offended by them (why are you even here?)
- t++, t+, and t people should list the style types they're
attracted to, i.e. t++(4,5,6,7)
k - "the KINKY factor"... for those who dare.
- k++
- Will try anything once, usually twice...
- k+
- pretty adventurous, but moderated
- k
- will consider trying new things
- (none)
- kinky neutral
- k-
- has definite ABSOLUTE dislikes
- k--
- totally vanilla
s - "SEX (ok, SLUT) factor
- s++
- strictly polygamous, prefers very open
relationships ONLY.
- s+
- will form relationships which are generally
open-ended
- s
- neutral wrt to relationships/monogamy.
- (none)
- relationship neutral
- s-
- relationship oriented. Prefers a formal sort of
relationship over playing around, however the
scope of the word relationship is not defined
here.
- s--
- strictly monogamous/relationship oriented. No
outside affairs, or in some cases, sex ONLY in
relationships
m - the Muscle factor, divided into definition and mass
- m1 - muscle definition.
- m1++
- chiseled from marble
- m1+
- chiseled from oak
- m1
- chiseled from basswood (but still chiseled)
- (none)
- neutral
- m1-
- chiseled from marshmallow
- m1--
- chiseled from marshmallow creme
- m2 - muscle mass
- m2++
- serious meat on them bones
- m2+
- more muscular than the average joe
- m2
- small muscles, but they're definitely there
- (none)
- neutral
- m2-
- well, if you *really* look hard...
- m2--
- wishful thinking will only get you so far
q - "the Q factor" (defined)
- q++
- more effeminate than Donna Reed, Florence
Henderson, and RuPaul combined
- q+
- swishes so much they sway
- q
- is a queen
- (none)
- invisible
- q-
- "straight-acting"
- q--
- probably should BE straight
ADDITIONAL PUNCTUATION
The following aren't graded, they are just flags attached to
the overall classification:
- v
- for variable, said trait is not very rigid, may
change with time or with individual interaction
- ?
- for traits where there is no HARD information
available and the value is completely guessed
- :
- for traits which are observed but uncertain,
e.g. a twink who is wearing a lot of clothes, so
you can't be SURE he's an h+, but his forearms
REALLY suggest that he is, hence h+
- !
- for cases where the trait is as close to a
prototype as possible, or an exemplary case of
a specific trait... e.g. the ultimate h++!
- ()
- for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. A twink
who goes from k to k++ depending on the situation
(i.e. mostly "k") could use k(++)
You can make the punctuation as detailed as desired,
although the best ones to read are the ones which are the
most clear and simple to understand.
- v1.00 draft by...
- Kirk Johanning kfj@hpuerca.atl.hp.com
- v1.01 revisions by...
- Kirk Johanning kfj@hpuerca.atl.hp.com
- v1.10 draft by...
- Andy Trembley andrewt@csd4.csd.uwm.edu
- v1.11 reconciliation by...
- Kirk Johanning kfj@hpuerca.atl.hp.com
- v1.12 revisions by...
- Andy Trembley andrewt@csd4.csd.uwm.edu
Gordon Lloyd Goldberg
<ggold@panix.com>