July 30, 2001
I hope that I will have time to post this tonight before I head off on Mara's Big Adventure, my sojourn to Gencon as representative of White Wolf/Sword and Sorcery Studios. I just want to update folks with this past weekend's fun, and give you some idea what to expect once I'm back from my vacation.

The last couple of weeks have been busy as usual. I've completed development on The Wise and the Wicked (aka The Weird and the Wacky), a book of NPCs for the Scarred Lands setting. It was a far more involved project than I had intended, but in the end it got done, and I HOPE that the final manuscript meets with the powers' approval. I worked quite hard on the job, doing some extensive rewriting, and throwing in a few new characters of my own.

Creature Collection 2 has hit stores to generally good notices; I'm glad, because we really busted our humps working on it... One of my monsters, the Dark Harlequin, appears to have gained a fairly good following and is often mentioned as one of the more original creatures, so I'm happy for that.

The big news this past weekend was the WOMAD festival in Seattle, my first in three years; I attended the first with Clio and Dev, and we were going to attend #2 because Johnny Clegg and Juluka were scheduled to perform, but they cancelled and we kind of lost enthusiasm... That was a shame, since this was one of the first venues for Afro-Celt Sound System, who has since become a major international act. I missed #3 last summer since I was still hiding out in LA, but when I heard that Peter Gabriel was going to be performing at this year's fest (for the first time in eight years, mind you), I had to go.

Accordingly, I invited Rie, who agreed with no small amount of enthusiasm -- she hasn't been to many concerts, and the whole festival aspect of the thing seemed to appeal to her. At Westercon (back around July 4th or so), I once more ran into Magen the wayward ex-roommate and being in an outstandingly happy mood, invited her along, too, as the festival is only about 20 minutes from her home. She accordingly agreed as well (and I admit that watching Magen's normally deadly serious expression light up with genuine happiness and enthusiasm is a sight well worth the effort), and after some communication glitches, we finally got in touch and made arrangements to stay in her guest room, thus saving me $90 that would normally have gone for a hotel.

We played AD&D on Friday night, with a special guest star -- Mike, the individual that I variously refer to as Rie's "other," "real," or "primary" bf, who is heading for Japan for 2-3 years and wanted a game fix and an opportunity to hang out one last time. I had him play a pair of hot dark elf bi-babes that the party had captured (this is set in Thystra, remember), and though the rest of the party (led by the Kaitian paladin, well played by our friend Devin as having the world's largest polearm stuck up his butt) didn't trust them as far as they could throw a Litharnan dreadnaught, he managed pretty well and we all had a good time. We then went to a late showing of "Planet of the Apes" (of which more later), and eventually made it home. Of course, we stayed up until about 3am, and that may well be the last sleep I get for another week, but it was fun anyway. I felt no small amount of regret that Mike was leaving for three years, having hit it off with they guy in pretty short order.

Rie and I lit out for Seattle at about 10:00, only an hour later than I'd intended, owing to various errors, such as my forgetting the tickets, and got into Seattle about 1pm, dropping stuff off at Magen's picturesque split ranch cottage (on a lovely green forested lot in a pretty nice neighborhood near Lake Washington), headed out for the festival. Well, it was gloomy and overcast and I ended up having to wear a jacket and gloves (this in late July... go figure), but we had a hell of a time shopping at the vendor booths, getting various interesting ethnic foods, and running into my friends Lev and Gayle, who are among the coolest people on the planet (intelligent, attractive, talented, spiritual, and they manage to do it without being the least bit pretentious... quite an achievement, I think).

Devon was there with her mom and her entourage, but we didn't run into her, so we settled down to watch several acts, including Lapelectro (awesome ethnic-techno stuff, who don't have a CD out yet), Steel Pulse (one of the leading reggae acts), the Neville Brothers (if you don't know about them, look 'em up), and more. Rie had a time of it, grooving on all the cool hippy-world beat energy and gawking at all the cute fest-goers, and I got a lot of empathic vibes from her... I don't think I would have enjoyed this weekend anywhere near as much as I did had I attended stag. There's something about soaking in someone else's joy as well as your own that really creates a cool kind of spiritual synergy or something, especially if it's someone you feel such a close rapport with, and someone you really care about. My happiness at Rie's enjoyment was a pretty substantial reminder to me of how special she's become to me.

We didn't make it to the Greg Allman band, and we missed Isaac Hayes, which was a disappointment, but overall it was a smashing first day. We headed back for Magen's and scared the beejesus out of her roommate Tia when we came in the back way. After apologizing profusely, we settled down and chatted -- Magen was out at a barbecue, so I managed to make it until 1am or so waiting to say hi, but I crashed and went to bed. After I'd snoozed for a few minutes, the door opened, and Rie stood there silhouetted in the light, saying "Look at what Tia gave me!"

I looked and noted that this was one of the things that I don't mind waking up for... Tia had given her a backless black gown with the most amazing neckline, that managed to enhance Rie's already somewhat well-endowed figure to the point that I was finally ready to accept the existence of a supreme being. I'll get some shots of her wearing this later if you like. With that pleasant image in my mind, I went back to sleep. Magen got in really late, so we didn't see her until the next morning, when she interpreted my reluctance to wake her up as being irritated with her (hell, how could I be irritated given the money I was saving, and the fact that I was getting to attend WOMAD with not one but two hot babes?). Once that was cleared up, she got up and we all headed out for day 2.

This was even better than the first, as we finally found Devon, who had been running around with her best friend Cara all day, and had all sorts of cool hippy acoutrements that she'd bought on her own; I think the kid is on the right track, frankly, so I didn't object too strenuously when she started going on about how one of the acts the previous day had been toking up on stage and had a woman fling herself onto the stage and slip him some tongue (I think it was the guy from Jane's Addiction or someone, but I'm not sure). And after sitting with Dev and Cara, listening to Rie delightedly exclaim to me and Magen about how happy she was that a cute chick was checking her out (to grins and giggles from Dev and Cara) I simply decided that I'm not going to be going out of my way to shield Devon from the world too much; she seems to be handling it pretty well herself, and I think we're getting to the point where I only have to make sure she's going in the right direction. I'm not going to just up and tell her, for example, that I have friends who like to tie up and spank each other, but if the topic comes up I won't shy away from it. She's getting older and I think I'd be doing her a disservice if I tried to conceal things like that.

Rie continued to groove majorly on her surroundings, and I just allowed myself to bask in her enjoyment. Just the notion that I could share these moments with her made me enormously happy, and it only enhanced my belief that we're really kindred spirits, and reminded me just how much she has helped me heal over the past year, and how very much she has added to my life. I don't mind being the other boyfriend. I only regret that I took so long to find someone like her to be my friend.

Magen was content to simply sit on the grass where we'd staked out some space (amid the thousands and thousands gathered to see Peter Gabriel and the Afro-Celt folks), and read her book... In fact, she thanked me several times for taking her to such a place, as I suspect that her "normal" life doesn't leave as much tranquil time for reading as she'd like. She is still as voracious a reader as I remember, and I continue to be impressed at how well she's turned out (as I think I've noted before, we had our differences in the past, but it helps maintain one's faith in humanity to see people sometimes turn their lives around and chart a positve course).

I got a WOMAD t-shirt and some necklaces, I bought Rie a sarong, and Magen got a nice velvet hat... Dev had a number of cool things that she got with money she'd earned doing nice stuff around the house (now, if only she'd do it when she DOESN'T want extra money, I'll be happy), and we all sat and chatted and relaxed for a time waiting for the big moment, and Peter Gabriel's return to the world of live performance. As the time approached, Dev informed me that she wanted to go sit with her mom, who had staked out territory right in the front row; I understood this, of course, but I was still disappointed. All the same, I got to share the following moments with Rie and Magen, and the people all around us, and the next hour proved a very moving and emotional one.

And I really feel compelled to say that, to echo Rie, this was a place of enormously positive energy and joy; tens of thousands of people seemed not only happy, but at peace with themselves and each other. In the days I was there, I didn't see a single frown, hear a single harsh word, or see anything that even vaguely looked like conflict. Hell, I only saw two crying children. If you remember my entry about what it was like to experience Millennium Eve, back in '99, I said that it felt as if everyone around me -- everyone in the world even -- was content and willing to forget about our differences for a moment, and that even though I was terribly unhappy personally, and felt a lot of sadness, I was caught up in it, too, and I saw humanity as something greater than the sum of all of its parts.

This weekend was much the same, and in some ways it was better, since there were so many more people, and so much more to do, and this moment lasted so much longer... I'd have been happy to stay there forever, and say to hell with work and the drudgery of daily life. But I suppose that that was the moment's strength -- that it was finite, and it was a space that could be held onto and cherished in memory.

In any event, Peter Gabriel came out to raucous cheers and delerious applause... he looks older, of course, but his voice has lost none of its unique character, and he performed a relatively short set with passion and exuberance, including numbers like "Red Rain," "Salsbury Hill," "Come Talk to Me," "Here Comes the Flood" and "In Your Eyes." These songs were voted on by people on PG's website... I would like to have heard "Shaking the Tree" and maybe "Steam," but I didn't vote so I can't whine.

Magen met a nice gent by the name of Jared and the two of them plunged into the crowd in an attempt to get backstage that almost succeeded, and had fun doing it, and they came back flushed, exhilerated, grinning and all that stuff... I finally realized at this point that the reason that I still like Magen and consider her a friend is that I find such satisfaction in seeing her real character emerge from behind the somewhat serious (and not a little bit intimidating) mask she normally wears, and that I am very, very fond of the person that I see when that happens.

I had a couple of rough moments during PG's set -- when he did "Digging in the Dirt" and "Come Talk to Me," both songs that really hit me pretty hard, especially given how terribly I think I've let myself and my loved ones down over the years, in my failure to understand myself, and my failure to truly talk to people who needed it. I know now that a lot of that had to do with my illness, but I can't blame it all on the diabetes...

The hardest moment was when PG sang "Father, Son," and I became acutely aware that my daughter wasn't there with me.

I imagine you can see how that might affect me, especially at that moment. There was a range of feelings that I suppose aren't really germaine to this entry, but they ranged from reflections on my own life as a father, my family and the things that brought us to the estranged state that we're in today, the walls that I built and my inability to climb over them, what was my fault, what wasn't, and whether or not the walls have grown insurmountable. I was grateful to have Rie there, and feel the presence of a kind and giving spirit, one that cared and was cared for.

Well, I was definitely a little more upbeat by the time ACSS came out, and by that time Jared and Magen had returned to us. Rie had to dash for food and biological needs, and missed several of the opening numbers, but they were so loud and vibrant that they could be heard all over the site, so she didn't miss too much.

Eventually, Rie made her way through the press back with us, and got to be there for some of the most amazing cross-cultural dance music imaginable. We danced and clapped and moved with the crowd, and Rie confessed to dropping into a trance a couple of times and actually finding that she had moved a good distance from her starting point without realizing it.

Afro-Celt Sound System is something of a misnomer, as their music incorporates a dozen different cultures, well beyond the Afro-European fusion that their name implies. True, the Celtic drummer and the African drummer danced around stage, their rhythms battling with each other, eventually blending into a harmonious rush of sounds, and their songs featured lyrics in both Gaelic and African tongues, but there were aspects drawn from many other cultures as well, from the huge Japanese temple drums to the Indian rhythms produced by a wild, bearded band member of obviously south asian extraction. The alliance of myriad cultures not only produced a vivid, stirring mix of music, that no one in the crowd could resist dancing to, it also spoke to a very deep and significant part of me, the one that has always believed that every race and culture on the planet is part of a greater whole, one that may be black or white, European or Asian, Christian or pagan, male or female, young or old, rich or poor -- but which is before all of that simply one thing... human.

Years ago, back when Magen was our roommate, I saw a paper that she had written for english class (yes, high school english... just keep your comments to yourself). It was one of the things that made me suspect that if she could ever focus her talents and use her gifts, she would become a very successful person (and by golly, she seems to have done so... I guess sometimes I'm a decent judge of character, huh?). The paper was on existentialism, and it was written so well I thought it was a college-level academic document. At the end, she described the joy that the individual feels when he realizes that, even if there is no god and no afterlife, and even if this span of years is all we get, he is nevertheless part of something greater and nobler -- the race of humanity, and the collective spirit of a species. And I think that is the kind of joy that I felt this weekend.

I reflected that at the time I was born in the United States, it is unlikely that a festival such as WOMAD could have taken place. The idea that world music, especially that produced in Africa or Asia (distant and "alien" places to my contemporaries, even then), could appeal to anyone more than a tiny group of enthusiasts, or that such a diverse group of Americans (and those from other nations as well) could be gathered in one place without controversy or even bloodshed, was probably entirely foreign.

As I grew up, however, and witnessed the violence of the civil rights movement, the horrors of the Vietnam War, the disillusionment of Watergate, and the bitter divisions of the eighties and nineties, it seemed that through all of those tragedies and all that useless stupidity, something greater was emerging -- a new kind of people who could see others for what they were. Not foreigners, not heathens, not savages or "furriners", but as fellow human beings whose cultures and beliefs could not merely be tolerated, but embraced wholeheartedly, in a way that ennobled the individual, and enhanced his own culture and character, rather than subtracting from it.

In embracing the world, we show ourselves to be capable of greater things and, far from dilluting our culture or "mogrelizing" our nations (to use the hateful language of fascism and racism), we grow and make our own culture and lives richer. I look at such events as WOMAD and the people who attend, and I ask myself whether we are lesser or greater for opening our hearts and minds to the music and spirit of the world. Though I can't speak for everyone, I know at least that I am better for it, and I can only think that the rest of those who attended are as well.

And as the four of us sat in the vast parking area, waiting for the throngs to finally leave, listening to the sampler CD I had bought, and as Jared and I discussed our mutual love for the music of Johnny Clegg and Juluka, and Rie talked about her life and how she had met me, and about how proud she was of Devon, and as Magen merrily flitted about the lot, waving goodbye and bouncing her substantial cleavage at very confused (but generally grateful) departing vehicles, I felt a level of happiness and contentment that's been lacking for a long, long time.

Hell, I'm divorced, and I still don't think I have enough time to do everything I want to do. Hell, I'm still stuck working at a "real" job to keep my daughter healthy and happy. Hell, I'm still just the "semi" boyfriend of one of the cutest women on earth. Hell, I have diabetes. Hell, I have bills to pay. And hell, I may be coming down with a cold (though that's not going to stop me from kicking ass all over Gencon this week). But as Sting said, everybody's got to leave the darkness sometime.

After all, I'm divorced and I can learn what I did wrong and not do it again. And I've got a good job with people I like and respect. And even though it takes up a lot of my time, I also have a creative job doing what I've always dreamed of doing -- creating games that bring other people enjoyment. And because I've changed my life as a result of diabetes, I feel better than I have in years. And if I have bills, at least I can afford to pay them. And after all, I AM at least the "semi" boyfriend of one of the cutest women on earth. And I got to go to WOMAD and see Steel Pulse and the Neville Brothers and Lapelectro and Peter Gabriel and ACSS with a pair of absolute hotties. And I got to share something I loved with people that I love, and see them learn to love it as well. And I learned that you can still love someone in spite all their faults -- and in some ways because of them. And I got to see my daughter having fun and growing up into the kind of person I'd like her to be. And I realized that despite everything I still love humanity, and might even one day be persuaded that there's something bigger and more sublime out there.

So far we've come, and so far to go. For the first time in years, I don't feel old and I don't feel sad. I just feel. And that means something.

Later...
So we finally got out at about 1am, took Magen and Jared home, and headed onto the freeway, powering south with all due speed, listening to some of my newly-burned CDs and to the WOMAD sampler. I dropped Rie at home and hugged her goodnight, feeling all the joy and energy of the past two days in her even at this late hour (actually, it was about 4am, which is so late it's early), staggered home, called work to tell them I'd be late, and hit the sack.

And now, here I am, sitting at my desk and writing journal/opinion entries when I should be answering phones (no one's calling, so what the hell), and waiting for 6:00 to roll around so I can go home and start packing for Gencon. I have a cough and I feel a little peaked, but dammit I'm going to take lots of vitamin C and cold remedy and I'm going to go to Milwaukee for six long days and feel important again. Then it's back home to talk to loan officers and editors, and start bringing you the adventures of Wulf once more.

Oh, my brothers and sisters, all around the nation and around the world, life really does show you its true colors eventually, even if they're sometimes deep black and somber gray. Sometimes, however, you see colors that you have never seen before, and their memory shines on, illuminating the moments of darkness and guiding you on. I don't think the colors I saw these past two days will ever fade, the colors of human joy and spirit, and the colors of the people I love. Devon, Rie, Magen, Lev and Gayle, Peter Gabriel, Afro-Celt Sound System, Dale and Leann and Mike and all you wonderful gamers and geeks and misfits and rejects...

Shine on.

Peace,
Anthony