This is a true story given to SLM by a postal worker. It is a grim world. The squirels strike back! The horror!

The story reads...

I want to help you as much as I can. I too hate these little bushy tailed monsters. Let me tell you a story. I work for the postal service as you know and one day I was delivering mail on a small country road. Well as normal as it was, I had no idea on what kind of trouble I was about to get into. I came to the last mail box on the street and before I opened it, one of the little creatures ran across the hood of my car. Well I put it behind me and opened the box and TO MY SURPRISE one of the LITTLE BASTARDS jumped out onto me. I freaked out and grabbed the satanic little F*#Ker and chucked him out of my car. I didn’t waste any time getting out of there so I closed the doors and put it in drive, that’s when I heard the tip tap on the roof of my car. Then it sounded like rain. Out of nowhere came twelve of these squirrels and they were huge. They started to rip my windshield wipers off. Panicked, I hit the gas pedal and to my surprise they had been under my hood and I heard the fan belt snap. SHIT, I said to myself. So I reached into the back and grabbed my night stick. I can make it on foot if I run, I said to myself. So I flung the door open and dashed out. All I heard was the scrape of claws on cement and I knew they were gaining. I might as well make a stand here so I turned and stopped and fuck me, these things were hauling ass, I drew my night stick up as one of them leaped for my face, I whacked that sucker like a soggy meat ball. Then another came at me but was met by my swift back hand. And out of nowhere one of the sissy faggots grabbed hold of my night stick and ate it in half like corn on the cob. At this point I was being overwhelmed my these little nut-eaters, one tore my pant leg off, the other went for my NUTS but hell that sucker was not gonna grab those jewels so I grabbed it in mid-air and twirled that little punk by his tail and chucked him like a Bayou Spear Chucker would into the mouth of a hungry gator, but in this case into the nearest window. Well let me rap it up. I escaped the hungry little bastards with only my bare ass and my postal worker patch. My van was later found in the forest full of acorns and squirrel shit.

Well as you can see I am fully prepared to kick ass and I want some damn pay back. I am licensed to a AK-47 and I can take them out with force.