Chapter 12: A Vision
One day, four years past my 18th birthday, I was in the Bluegrass region of Kentucky. A few years earlier, I had rejected a life as a civilized man and instead chose to search for the right way to live. I had dropped out of college. Hopefully for the last time, though I would probably go back the next semester. Civilization still controlled me, because I still occasionally went back to live by its rules. I still depended on civilization and still used money, even though I intended to stop using it.
Under me were the lungs of the continent of North America. As the continent breathes and waters flow through the Earth, calves are formed, and there were calves all around me. In one cave I saw fossils of creatures that were born on the Earth, lived, and returned to the Earth when they died. You might ask, why be born if youre just going to die? I guess because life is rare. Almost everything is dead. The fossil rocks are dead, but they were once alive and they had a chance to experience life, which is what Im experiencing now. I am just matter and that is all I am, but I am also a rare kind of matter, which has the privilege to be alive. Ill try to enjoy this experience.
I began to drive my car towards the Ohio River. I Passed through many small towns, and was amazed at how friendly the people were. Perhaps they are naive and do not realize what horror is. Horror is a lonely cold feeling. I met horror while growing up in South America in a big city, where walls separated people. The city officials said that there were nine million people in the city, but I knew there were many more people the government did not count. These people did not have walls of their own. They lived in slums between the walls. The only time I met them was when one of them would work for me as a servant. Many would be lying behind my wall but most of my friends ignored them because civilization taught them to do so. The government did not count them and neither did any of the other civilized people. I wouldnt be surprised if there were 30 million of them in the city all crowded into small areas. I was not crowded. My cubical space was big and I was all alone in it. Not everyone in the city alone but I was, and there were many other lonely people in the city. I hear there are even bigger cities. You could ask why anyone let a city get so big? The city officials might give you many reasons, but I know all they had to do to stop was stop and just not build the cities so big. Most of the officials do not realize what they are doing; the machine controls them. They do not control the machine.
I have escaped from the big city and now I am in a place where towns are small and the people are warm and friendly. Near these towns, the people raise cattle on large open fields, and there are very few walls. I came to an area full of cone shaped hills called knobs, which surround the bluegrass. I knew the Ohio River was not far away.
I found a dead bull. There were many crows eating it, and a few vultures were resting in a tree nearby. I began to wonder what I could learn from this sight. Then I saw a cone shaped hill rising out of a flat plain, with the setting Sun shining behind the peak. I felt a desire to climb it, a desire stronger than the desire for sex. It was winter and all the leaves had fallen off the trees. The temperature was well below freezing and had been that way for many days, so all the snow was crisp. My climb should be easy and I should be back before dark. I noticed Venus was visible as an evening star. Jupiter was also visible and very near Venus. Perhaps the first unusual thing I saw was a white vulture that passed overhead and flew behind the peak. Normally, there are no white vultures in the Ohio Valley and albinos are rare and do not survive long. This one was mature, so it obviously had been surviving for some time. As I watched, I realized it was not a true albino. Its head and feet were a normal color, only the feathers were white.
I sat on top of the hill and waited. I saw no visions that day, but I did remember an old vision I had when I was 17. This vision happened while I was at school, during a study hall class. In that vision, I saw a giant woolly bull. I thought it might be my guardian angel because it often appears as animals, such as jaguars or wolves, but this time my angel appeared in a sort of human form and said, "Life is meant to have fun. Some people cant understand that."
My muse appeared. She usually appears as a beautiful tall, blond-haired girl with light gray eyes. She asked me if I believed what the angel said. I said, "Yes." In this case "Yes" was like a magical word, which unlocked many mysteries. I found myself in a black room. Nothing happened for a long time so l decided to leave, but I couldnt. Usually I can end the vision at will, but this time I was stuck. I always felt as if my muse was the cause of my loneliness, and I thought that this time she had locked me up for good. A door that wasnt there before opened. I could see that outside was the real world. A woman dressed in a black robe walked in. She looked like my muse, except that her eyes were silver. She held a bundle wrapped in black cloth. She said, "I come from the father, because he has chosen it to be so. I am the daughter of the son, when he is a destroyer. I am part of the Holy Spirit." She placed the bundle on the black floor. When I unwrapped it several butterflies flew away. My guardian said that they were false ideas and that I should not chase them. The silver-eyed woman was now three young girls. One with red hair, one with black hair, and one with blond. The red-haired girl sank into the floor and became the Earth. The dark-haired girl became a darkened forest, which was dark because it was full of life. The blond-haired girl became a bright light, and said, "I have guided many before you and I will guide many after you." She disappeared, but I could still feel the light inside everything, as I sat alone inside the darkened forest. I noticed that now, I was wearing the black robe. I saw the door again and walked out. Outside was a quiet street in a busy town. I saw my muse and walked along with her for a while, She is usually very aloof and untouchable. I still could not touch her, but this time she was actually talking to me, rather than just making statements and then disappearing like she usually does. She said that I was going to get the great vision that I was nagging for all the time. I saw a horse that I would be riding into the vision. Suddenly I snapped out of the vision and I was back in school. The people around me did not seem to notice anything.
The great vision that the muse mentioned did eventually happen. It happened each day, over several weeks, in the same study hall at the school. In this vision, I saw a world after the fall of civilization. It was a good world. I have tried to record what I saw in that world in a book called, "Human." I recommend you read this book if you want to understand my point-of-view a little better. Almost five years had gone by since I first saw that world. During those years, I had assembled together a lot of ideas and knew that it was time to spread the word of the Sacred Grove. Time to write this book.
When I was nine years old I noticed how everyone was involved with each other. I did not fit in. I tried, but it did not work. There was this field where farmers would leave the heads of cows. There were cow parts all over the hillside. Some parts were left in burning piles, and there were always many vultures there. New skulls were full of beetles. I would hang around there. The nuns told me that I did not belong there. They wanted me with the other kids, but I did not belong there, either. The fact, that flesh is eaten quickly in the tropics, seemed more important to me than anything that the nuns were saying.
Later that day, I saw two pyramids. They turned over on their sides, then moved together till their points touched. Then, they inserted these points into each other. At the place where they merged a space was formed. They moved into each other till all that was left was a Flat plain, with the space inside. I had seen this vision before, but I could not get close enough to look into the space. Now, I could. I saw a horrible thing. I also knew that what I saw was just the tip of the iceberg, bobbing above the surface of a sea that I was going to sink into, deeper and deeper as I got older. The iceberg had just hit me. It opened a hole in my world. The water started rushing in. If I had known it was coming, I might have avoided it, but too late now. My course was set a long time ago. From the very beginning I had been going in this particular direction.
As I got older, I began to realize that reality for me is twisted. Youre out there. Im in here. The door between is the twist in reality between the two sides. I dont recommend this for anyone. In time I noticed this twist gives me a perspective that most people dont have. It also makes me say things that most people dont say. I also do things most people dont do.
The image I saw inside the area where the two pyramids merged was a bitter, angry, lonely man who would be me. I was nine years old at the time. By the time I was a teenager, the prophecy came true. When I was seventeen, I saw the pyramids come together again. This time I looked inside and saw myself as a nine-year-old boy who had wandered off into the forest. A poisonous snake bit him. He refused to go back to civilization for help because he did not want to go back. He wanted to be sure that he could survive on his own. Eventually he fell unconscious, but his natural immunity kept him alive. He took a lot of pride in being able to survive without medical technology. A black jaguar walked near him and he sensed it. In time he woke up and he was free. This snakebite never really happened. I just saw a vision when I was seventeen that pretended as if it really happened. What I was looking at, was what my mind did. Some people would say that I failed at civilization, and thats why I turned against it. Thats probably right.
One night when my life seemed pointless, I asked m muse why I was born in this century, when shamans are rejected, rather than a age when they were accepted? She asked, "How was the evil empire Acheron destroyed?"
I knew that myth, so I said, "By the magic of a feathered shaman, who had discovered the secret that held civilization together."
She said, "This is the time that needs you."
Suddenly, I found myself in a room full of old men. The oldest-looking one said, "You volunteered for this job. Those people are about to destroy themselves, so you sent yourself to save them." I told him that I was not accomplishing much, so he said, "I did it so can you".
I asked him who he is.
He said, "Im you in the future. We will be known as the greatest profit to ever live. There are people in the year 3027 who are actually afraid to even speak our name. Virgins actually sacrifice themselves on altars with animated images of us. A page of our original sloppy handwriting will become a holy relic, hidden on top of a mountain. Christianity will be dead, but the Vatican will still have a Pope, who will spend his whole day praising our name. The guardians of the Sacred Grove, who spend most of their time fighting gladiator-style, will consider us the greatest warrior who ever lived. Mystics will search their whole lives just to have a vision of us."
Wow, what delusions of grandeur I invent to cheer myself up. If this guy is me, then I know how full shit he can be. Many people say that I am going to burn in Hell for what I believe. I dont care. I would rather do what I think is good than fallow some evil God. If he sends people to Hell for that, then those who follow him and go to Heaven are evil just like him.
The Solar elements of the Zodiac
The traditional guardians of god are four complex symbols, called YAHU, written YEOU. Yahu-Die-Adonai means Guardian-God-Lord. These names come from the Middle East near Israel. They are common in my visions. The letters in YEOU are four Angels. The "Y" is a man, whose sign is Aquarius; his planet is Venus; his element, air, and his direction, the west. This man can be the Solar Being, called Samas. He is the inner reality of the future self, or a picture of destiny. For me, the man can be any man, or my Guardian Angel, or myself. I usually dont even notice him.
The "E" is a. Bull, whose sign is Taurus; his element is Earth, and his direction, North. He is a Solar Zeus-Dionysus called Baal He is the life giving fertile force in the Earth that can bring back life each year. A Scarab can represent him, because the Scarab is a bug who plays with manure, and manure is fertilizer. Dead things fertilize the Earth and feed new life.
The "O" is a lion; his sign is Leo; his element, fire; his planet, the Morning Star, and his direction, East. He is a solar Lucifer, who can take life. His name is OL. He is a sort of murdering purifier, a sort of deadly force in nature. I usually see him as a jaguar.
The "U" is a Vulture. His sign is Scorpio; his element, is water; his planet, Earth, and his direction, South. He is a solar Mercury, called Nebo. He is a wise old man. Many people today picture this symbol as an eagle, but the vulture is the original form. He tends to stay near a high peak, which I have to climb to find what I am looking for.
Supposedly, these four symbols once represented the four winds as used by the ancient Jews. They were part of the vision of the prophet Ezekiel. Today they can represent anything you want. The Catholic Church uses these symbols to represent the four Apostles who wrote the four Gospels. They often picture Christ with these symbols around him. I identify them with the Sun because they are powers. A lot of things can be identified with the Sun. A man, a bull a Jaguar and a vulture, are some of the most common symbols in my visions. My muse uses these symbols to teach me things.
There are five vowels, A, E, I. O. U. J, Y, and I are all the same vowel, and are interchangeable in sacred names. U, V, and W are the same vowel and are interchangeable in sacred names. We get these different letters for the same vowel because the English alphabet is made of letters from the alphabets of many different cultures. These five vowels can be used to represent points on the five-pointed star.
The Morning Star and the star of Man are both five-pointed stars, but they are opposite images of each other. In most rituals where the star of Man is hung in the temple, it is hung on a wall where the "I" point would be hanging down, such as the north wall or the west wall. The Morning Star is usually drawn and hung on a wall where the "I" point would point up, such as the east or the south wall. This makes it easy to tell them apart. The points of the star of Man are I, E, A, V, O, if you make the "S" of Mercury an "A.." "A" means point, and Mercury is your point-of-view. The Morning Star is the mirror image of the star of Man. The Morning Stars points are the points of destruction that represent the five times every eight years when the Morning Star is farthest from the Sun. The Morning stars points are in a clockwise order of A, E I, O, U, but actually the points of the Morning Star are read counterclockwise. When you observe the Zodiac using an Earth-based reference point such as your hand, the constellations of the Zodiac appear to be ordered counterclockwise. This may be seen in the image of the Zodiac many astrologers use. It is the mirror image of the image on the temple. The lines that connect the points represent the path of the Morning Star on its eight-year cycle, which is AIUEO. The point "A" which meet at angle IAO, is the point when the cycle changes and happens when a point of destruction happens near May Day. Most astrological cycles begin after the spring equinox.
The hand is often used to represent various things in a ritual. Traditionally, the thumb represents Venus. The index finger is the finger of Jupiter. The middle finger is the finger of Saturn, the father God. The ring finger is the finger of the Sun. The small finger is the finger of Mercury. If you draw the letters of each planet on the finger, with the "U" For Mercury and "A" for Venus, you get the order A E I 0 U. In the temple "U" is the letter For Venus but on the hand, Venus is given an "A" because the thumb is used as a pointer. Mercury is given a "U" because point-of-view is the product of the material world. The hand is used as a guide as you view the material world, so the symbolism on the fingers of Mercury and Venus can be switched in order to represent the problem of distinguishing reality from idea. "U" is also the letter of Nebo, the solar Mercury. Your two hands are mirror images of each other. Your left wrist represents the Moon. The Moon should point towards your body to represent our being held by your life cycles limitations. The palm of your hand represents Mars. A symbol that is drawn on the palm should be drawn as an impression of the symbol. It would appear as a mirror image of the symbol.
If you draw the five-pointed stars on your palms, the left hand would have an impressed image of the star of Man, and the right hand would have an impressed image of the Morning Star. You can place your left palm on the center of the temple and all the points should point in their right direction, if you point your "I" finger south. You can hold your right palm up so that your fingers represent the points of destruction.
Return to beginning