Disclaimer:  This story contains words and concepts that some people 
find offensive.  If you are geeky-underage teenager below the age of 
majority in your community, Shame on you!  Get some parental 
supervision!  Don't they care about your psycho-social development 
enough to keep you away from trash like this?

Of course if you haven't stopped reading by now, you will probably be 
disappointed if you read further.  I mean it, don't read another word.

See?  putting these words here does absolutely no good.  Well, go ahead.
Waste your time.  You could be doing something worthwhile like laundry 
or cleaning the toilet.  All you are doing by reading this junk is 
getting more sedentary and pallid by the day.  Get a life.  Not mine, 
because I'm too fargone already.

*****************************************************

          Watermelons

(with apologies to Billy S.)



The late summer day was beautiful.  Blue, cloud-flecked skies, a gentle 
warm breeze blowing through the trees, the sounds of birds and chipmunks 
cavorting in the park.  It was a perfect day for a school picnic.
Being a freshperson, Regan was still overwhelmed by this whole college 
thing.  Moving in, meeting so many exciting new people, getting ready 
for classes to start in a few days, it was almost too much for her.
The college had spared no effort trying to put new students at ease, she 
thought.  It's almost working.  The picnic was lavish, and the location 
was excellent.  The school owned acres and acres of land on the 
outskirts of town, taking care of it for ecological and scientific 
purposes.  The area also served the function of a huge park, when 
necessary, hosting large events like this, or for letting students work 
off some steam after classes.  It was one reason why Regan chose the 
school she did.

Right now Regan was trolling for boys. Men. Ambulatory meat with 
schlongs.  Whatever was the Politically Correct term these days.  She 
was finally away from her puritan parents and she was determined to 
sample the fare at this fine institution.  And there was no better time 
than the present to start.  
Unfortunately, she wasn't having much luck.  Most of the Objects Worthy 
of Her Attentions were attracted like moths to a flame not her own.  
Cordelia, the Bimbo From Hell was the locus of a veritable swarm of 
guys.
Regan sized up TBFH.  Blond, of course, good skin, pretty face, dresses 
like an exhibitionist, nice ass and huge tits.  Make that Huge Tits.
Tits so round, firm, and yes, even perky that it almost made you want to 
give up.  Guys want one thing.  And Regan had it.  But guys look at Two 
Things, and Regan did not have those.  Whereas Cordelia definitely had 
Those.

Regan, to be sure, was No Bad Thing herself.  Aside from being shrewd, 
cunning and sure of what she wanted, she was moderately tall, slim, 
fairly athletic and had a face that was more striking than classically 
attractive.  Which was why hardly no man was paying attention 
to her.
Regan looked around to check out the rest of the Competition.  There 
were the usual Homelies and Norms, a few Contenders, but none, she felt 
sure, to compete with herself and TBFH.  For the second or two that she 
was not entirely focused on herself, she noticed that none of the other 
women had any boys about them either.  This was curious.

Feeling that Direct Action was always better than skulking in her 
thoughts, Regan started over to Cordelia.  Heck, she reasoned, if it 
comes to it, a good catfight was bound to get her some action from a 
sympathetic guy.

Making her way through the throng of young men was hard, but kind of fun 
for Regan; filing away Hopefuls for future reference.  Making one last 
push at the inner perimeter of ogling, drooling, lust-barely-under-
control guys she finally came face to face with Cordelia, The Bimbo From 
Hell.

"Oh,  Hi.  Come join me, won't you?" Cordelia said preemptively.  
Disarmed for the moment, Regan sat next to her in the middle of the 
Circle of Men.  
Cordelia had on one of those silly stickers that read "Hi! My name is 
Cordelia" on it.  Placed, obviously, near enough her cleavage to actually 
get read by the men staring at her endowments.
"Look, honey, I don't know how you do it," Regan said, getting to the 
point, "But if you don't share some of the action, it'll be war!"
"My, aren't we direct." Cordelia said as someone would who knows she 
holds all the cards.  "But rude.  Dear, let me introduce you.  Boys, 
this is Regan, " reading from Regan's name tag, "Say hello to Regan, 
boys."
In a zombified unison, the young men all enthusiastically said "Hi, 
Regan!"

"Okay, you've made your point," Regan said, "I'm willing to let you be 
Top Bitch.  But if I'm going to be your Number One, I want to know your 
secret."
"Secret? I make no secret of these," She said innocently.  Plumping her 
breasts to the unbearable delight of the Throng.
"I know you got big tits, honey, but you are the ONLY girl at this 
picnic with any man-action.  How did you manage to enslave the entire 
Freshman class on one afternoon?"
"Oh, that." Cordelia said as if she just understood what the fuss was 
about.  "Magic, I guess."
"Oh, so your bust is a fake or magically enhanced? Regan asked, 
confused.
"No, these are my own home grown honeydews.  I've been lugging these 
babies around for years, and they've scared off the gentle, timid men 
and attracted only jerks.
While walking slowly (I can't exactly run, can I?) through the woods out 
here, I found a leprechaun or something by the pond just up the path.  
He said he'd grant me one wish and I said that I wanted all the men on 
campus to be entranced by their lust for huge tits like mine.  When I 
came back, I had all the men I wanted.  Now I can pick and choose as I 
please.  Isn't that nice?"
"Charming.  Well I guess I'll be going.  If you've got all the men on 
campus, I'll have to joining the Lesbian Club or something."  Regan 
said, starting to leave.
"Oh, please don't go.  We can still be friends.  I've never been popular 
with other women, because of my Absolutely Gorgeous Hugely Magnificent 
Breasts.  If you had AGHMB too, we'd be like sisters." said Cordelia 
hopefully.
"Girl, you must be crazy.  I simply don't have the money for implants.  
And there's no way any doctor could turn these B-cups into those howzas 
you are sporting."  Regan noticed, rather at the edge of her attention 
that all this talk of breasts had the men really excited.  Not a crotch 
was left un-bulged.  Cordelia was going to have all the attention she 
wanted.  Magic induced or not, Regan was envious.
"I was thinking more along the lines of magical enhancement for you.  
I'm sure you could still find the little magic guy, and get him to make 
your boobs the size of cantaloupes just like mine.  Then men would want 
us both.  There's more than enough to share, as you can see."
"Okay Cordelia, I'll play your game.  I'll look for the leprechaun so he 
can give me huge breasts.  Whatever."  Regan sulked away incredulously.

Leprechauns! magic!  TBFH must be off her nut, Regan thought.  The 
weight of those AGHMB must pull her brain out of its socket or something.
Still Regan walked along the wooded path as Cordelia had described.  
When she got to the pond, she noticed a little child playing near the 
water.  As she got closer, she could see from behind that it was not a 
child but a fully grown man.  Fully grown, that is, if your full height 
was no more than a third of a meter.  
Regan crept up on the little creature and caught it.  "I thought 
leprechauns were supposed to be agile and quick, but I captured you 
easily!" She cried with glee.
"Ye wretched girl!  Ye could ha' let me void me bladder in peace!  I'd'a 
granted your wish if you caught me or no.  Where do you Big Folk get 
these notions?"  The small man exclaimed, putting his More-Than-Man-
sized equipment away hurriedly.
"You'll have to take that up with the writers of fairy tales, I just 
react to cultural forces, I don't make 'em."  Regan said cagily.  "Now 
about my wish."
"Wish, wish, wish!  All you Big Folk want are wishes!  For once I'd like 
te' be surprised by a nice innocuous film crew from the National Bloody 
Geographic!"
Mythical Creatures, Regan was quickly deciding, could be quite boorish.
"Look, I wish I had luxuriant breasts, the size of really big 
watermelons."  Regan said, getting directly to the heart of the matter 
as usual.
"Ah, ye must have met that Bimbo I granted a wish for earlier and want a 
bit of the action for yerself?  I'll do that for ye, if ye leave me 
alone." he told her crossly.  "But be careful who you piss off in the 
future!"

Regan walked back to the picnic area.  She wasn't sure what the 
leprechaun had done to her, but her breasts were tingling with 
sensation.  It felt as if every touch and pleasure receptor on her 
breasts was turned up tenfold.  She felt the material of her brassiere 
against her skin in perfect detail.  She looked down her shirt.  Her 
boobs didn't look any bigger.  Perhaps they'd grow naturally so as to 
not attract too much attention.

Feeling much better, she went up to the food table.  Regan assumed that 
if she was going to grow some really big tits, she might start eating 
enough to give her breasts something to work with.

When she got to the fruit bowl she stopped and stared at an unfamiliar 
object there.  She asked one of the catering staff, "Pardon me, but you 
seem to be serving some fruits that are unfamiliar to me.  I was 
wondering if you could tell me what this is?"  Regan held up a few of 
the green and white striped fruits, growing off of a thin vine-like 
stalk.  They were heavy for their size, two of them filled her hand, a 
little larger than her palm.
The caterer took one, and sliced it open to reveal a red juicy interior 
surrounded by a thin white rind.  "These, young lady," he said, "are 
just the thing for a hot summer day.  Slice 'em in wedges and spit out 
the seeds as you eat the pulp.  My uncle grows these on his orchard, 
what you see here are the state's finest watermelons!"

Regan's heart sank.



The End