THE PINKINATOR A Cyberpunk (kinda) Fan-Fiction Cartoon by Stefan Gagne All characters are copyright Warner Brothers and all that jive. (Fade In) PINKY : NARF! Wot're we going to do tonight, Brain? BRAIN : The same thing we do every night, Pinky. (Dramatic lighting) BRAIN : Try to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! SINGING. They're Pinky and the Brain, Pinky and the Brain One is a genius, the other's insane To prove thier mousey worth, they'll overthrow the Earth They're Pinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. (Title Card : Pinky in a leather jacket riding a motorcycle, sporting a shot gun. Title reads THE PINKINATOR.) (Scene : Brain at a chalkboard, Pinky trying to understand how one uses a slinky.) PK : NARF! Umm. Let's see. So, it goes down stairs, alone or in pairs... but wouldn't it get loney if it wasn't in pairs, Brain? BR : I require silence, Pinky. I'm trying to derive a formula for peanut butter out of Uranium-235. PK : Um, why's that, Brain? BR : If we can inroduce a mutagen in the world's peanut butter factories which causes it to become radioactive, it will lie dormant in the populace for years. Then, we leak top secret government documents about the situation, and while all the world is busy throwing lawsuits around to find a focal point for blame, we take over! PK : NARF! No, wait, no, that won't work. How'll everybody get a lawyer? BR : It's one of our rights as citizens of America, Pinky. You have the right to an attorney. PK : Oooh, that'll be good, Brain! (hops around) (There is a blast of purple light and a burst of warm air, and a small time machine appear in the cage. It is identical to the one used in WHEN MICE RULED THE EARTH.) BR : This is unusual. (in awe) PK : Poit? (The door opens, and a mouse looking surprisingly like Arnold Schwartzenegger pops out.) AS : Yew arr Brain, ya? BR : That is the name I go by, yes. And you would be? AS : Arnold Schwartzenmouser. I haff come to find da second greatest mind in all of mousedom. BR : I believe you are looking for that fellow over at Carl Sagan's lab, sir. I am the greatest mind in mousedom. This is not a boast, it is a confirmed fact. PK : No, wait, Brain. Wot about-- BR : I asked you never to mention her name again, Pinky. Be silent or I shall have to hurt you. AS : Yoo mean Billie? BR : Please! Mention her not. AS : But zat is vhy I am here! Look, come with me und I will show you. (Arnold grabs both by thier tails, and pulls them into his time machine. There is a blast of light, the usual flying-through-a- vortex-filled-with-calendars gag, and the time machine arrives on a dark city street. Brain stumbles out.) BR : Time travel is so draining. PK : (hops out) Narf! Look, Brain! That dumpster... the door... it's all our size! BR : (examining surroundings) Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Brain? PK : I think so, Brain... but if you always get zotted for asking about woodchucks, how will we find out? BR : (whaps Pinky) No, Pinky! We've seen a room this size before... when we succeeded in taking over the world! Could it be? Are we in some future where mice rule the Earth? AS : (vaulting out of the time machine) Ya, yoo got that right. BR : So I HAVE taken over the world! AS : Not quite... (points to various signs pasted up around the alley) BR : (reading) "The Thousand Year Rule of Mice is now ten years old. Come celebrate in the city square, with guest stars Bob Dylanshrew, Janet Jacksrat, and... PRESIDENT FOR LIFE Billie Mouse?!?" AS : Ya. Yoo even predikted it... that she'd take over da world before yoo did. BR : I am disturbed by this. PK : Ooo, a party! I love a party! Narf! AS : It ees not fun here. All mice are kept stupid, ya, like me. Billie's secret police carry Dumb-Rays. BR : That would make sense, since any mouse with a shred of intelligence would probably rebel to such a rule. PK : Party! Party! Why would anybody wont to rebel against such a nice person? Poit! BR : You have proved my point, Pinky. AS : Yoo must help us overthrow Billie! Ees no fun here, ya, being kept dumb and happy. I used to be a nuck, nucklee, nuckleear sci, atom guy. PK : Why should we help you? There's a party on! BR : It's quite simple, Pinky. First, I can predict with my awesome mental prowess that such a future would not be beneficial to my own plans. Plus, he's using a prop from a previous cartoon. Any writer that breaks standard cartoon law and makes references to past episodes MUST have quite a plot for us to undertake! Do you understand now, Pinky? PK : Ummm... no, I don't think so, Brain. AS : I canna think of what to do. I got no brains. What you think, Brain? BR : Hmm. We could try to overthrow her rule while at the party, but that may require more muscle and weaponry than we have at hand. PK : But aren't you in loooove with Billie, Brain? Why'd you wont to overtoss her? BR : I'm afraid it's necessary for the future well-being of the Earth, Pinky. Besides, we have nothing better to do. PK : Oh. AS : We haff the time machine. Can't we just go bak in tyme and remove her then? BR : It is a possibility. Violence is unnecessary, however, we could always just zap her with the Acme IQ-Flipper ray that originally gave her mental prowess exceeding mine... This idea has a much higher chance of success than a direct attack in the future... come, to the time machine! We must... it pains me to say it, but... SAVE THE EARTH! (The three pile into the time machine. There is a blast of light.) (COMMERCIAL BREAK) (Cut to commercial for new Mighty Morphine Power Rangers dolls, which will make you the most popular kid on the planet and cost an upwards of the US defense budget for a year) (Cut to commercial for Lucky Charms, where we add the grey braincase flavored marshmallow in an entertaining 30 second toon about lobotomies) (Cut to commercial for 'Wacky zany silly kooky family fun' on Full House) (The time machine reappears outside Billie cage. The three get out.) BR : Once I rule the world, I'm going to have to demand the addition of air-sickness bags on all time machines. Pinky, could you please form your hands into a cup? PK : I think so, Brain. BR : Thank you. (RALPH!) PK : Ewwww, Brain. (Billie looks out of her cage. She looks different than when we last saw her, with glasses and a pencil behind her ear.) BL : Who's there? Oh, it is only you, Brain. Please leave before I call the police. BR : Billie... you're upset with me? (Arnold stomps into the cage and grabs Billie.) AS : Got her, boss! BL : Unhand me, you uncouth baboon! BR : Trust us, Billie, this is for the best. (There is another blast of purple light and air, and a second time machine appears. Two burly looking mice and an older, nastier looking version of Billie hop out.) B2 : Aha! Knew you'd be here. BR : Now I am getting confused. PK : No, I think I get it now, Brain. Narf! Arnold has the Billie we know, and this is the Billie from the future. AS : (holding the past-Billie, who is trying to get away) How yoo get time machine? B2 : Simple. After defeating you three, I took your time machine and went forward into the future, gave it to myself, then went back home. BR : Permit me to say, that's somewhat on the impossible side, Billie. B2 : It was pretty easy, really. Somewhat like programming a VCR. BR : I task even I cannot accomplish! B2 : Men, if you will? (Close up of the two guard's Dumb-Rays. They set the dial to DESTROY and blast the IQ-Flipper. They switch back to DUMB mode.) B2 : Now, to stupid you up, so I am the ONLY mouse fit to rule the world! PK : NARF! But why do you wont to rule the earth, Billie? B2 : Because by Darwin's right, only the strongest survive, and seeing as how I am truly the most intelligent creature on the earth, I deserve it. PK : Why? B2 : Because the world deserves my guidance. PK : Why? BR : (whaps Pinky with a nearby paperclip) It's just something she wants to DO, Pinky! But what I can't understand is all this hatred aimed at me, Billie. B2 : It hurt when you dumped me, Brain. Just when I had the mind capacity to truly appreciate someone like you, you ran off because I could take over the world first! Well, I set out to do just that! BL : Amen, Sister Billie #2! B2 : And now I can reduce you to the intelligence of your two friends here, and remove the only person who could have come close to unseating me. Men, if you will? (Just as the guards are about to fire, Pinky's Girlfriend (yes, the horse) comes charging through the door and crashes into the desk, knocking everybody over.) PK : Hunnybunch! POIT! PG : Whicker! Snort. PK : Oh, *I* get it. I must have used the time machine to go back and ask that she come save us! Oh, I say Brain, you're right, this IS a neat plot. NARF! (Arnold drops Young Billie and grabs a guard's gun, zapping her. Her head size decreases considerably. All four mice from the future vanish, including the time machine.) PK : Narfwhoa. BR : Yes, Pinky! Everything has returned to normal. BL : I feel so... stupid. But better, really, having smarts really does smart. PK : Narf! She's a dimwit again! Joy of joys! BR : I hope there are no hard feelings, Billie, but it had to be. Mice were never meant to rule the world. PK : But Brain, wot about-- BR : (covers Pinky's mouth) An exception to the rule, Pinky. BL : Oh, Pinky! It's so good to be back to my normal head size. Now I'm not an egghead! (hugs Pinky) BR : I resent that remark. PG : (looking at the hugging mice, snorts in disgust. Subtitles at the bottom read : TWO TIMER!) (Pinky's Girlfriend storms out in a huff) BL : Who was that? PK : (sad Narf) Well... my ex-girlfriend. BL : (eyes light up) Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky? PK : Poit... I think so, Billie, but I think I'm busy this Friday night. BL : So wot're you doing this Saturday night? PK : Well-- BR : (grabs Pinky) He's helping me take over the world. Terribly sorry. Much too busy. BL : Oh. Okay. Well, good luck taking over the world! Bring me a souvenier, Pinky! BR : Come, Pinky. (Starts to drag Pinky off. Cut back to the cage.) BR : Now that that's all over with, Pinky, it's time we got back to our original task. PK : Wot woz that, Brain? BR : Guess. PK : Oh yeah, taking over the world. Can Billie help too? BR : Well... (pauses, contemplates) I suppose so. Just please, no smoochy smoochy in front of me, alright? I'm only in the fifth stage at the moment, and Acceptance is two stages away. PK : NARF! Got it, Brain. SINGING They're Pinky, they're Pinky and Billie and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. (Commercial Break) (Cut to commercial for (Cut to commercial for the A Future We'd Like to See : The Animated Series, with animation by Tokyo Movie Sinsha and a soundtrack by Pearl Jam) (Cut to commercial for auto-accident attorney Stan Whiplash) (Cut to commercial for 'Wacky zany silly kooky teen fun' on Saved by the Bell) (Scene : Park, along a path. Yakko, Wakko and Dot run along, then stop.) YK : It's that time again! WK : Time to change our socks? DT : Time to sing a charming song about your various bodily fluids in the style of Ragtime Jazz? YK : No, it's time to learn today's lesson. And to do so, we consult... the wheel of morality! (The wheel rolls in) YK : Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. Moral number two! And the moral of todays story is : Nobody wants to see an Animaniacs BS / Buttermilk Slappy story about Dot and Skippy Squirrel. WW : They've got a point there. DT : Gotta agree. (Everybody goes 'Yipe!', Ralph runs in, etc.) (Credits : Today's strange occapation in the credits, 'War Criminal') (Water tower door opens, with Brain in the center, Pinky on his left and Billie on the right.) PK : Narf! BL : Poit. BR : Heaven help me! (The door slams shut.) -- Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne, net.writer at large and all around weird character ## For information about the A Future We'd Like to See Cyberpunk Humor ## ## series, finger this address. You'll get spammed with storyclips, ## ## information, and other wacky stuff. ##